We Are But Destined Lovers Without a Roadmap
by belovedangel243
Summary: Their rings clashed together as they gave themselves to one another physically; a soft, whispered "save him" permeating her dark mind. A slayer fighting alone is how it has always been; she changed that...he changed that.  "I fight for him".
1. Prologue: John Keats

**AU Note:** Hi all! I'm not completely sure if there are any Bangel fans still reading from this site (aside from me of course;]) but if there are, I hope you'll give this story a chance. As for those who have read my other stories, I know I have been missing for a while...life can be a bitch sometimes but I am hoping to get much more active this summer with re-writing some of my already posted stories as well as coming up with some new ones. I've been writing this specific one for a while now, flitting from one plot to the next and working out exactly what I would like to happen and I hope I can do my thoughts justice. This layout is a little different for me, its not going to be chapter after chapter essentially but more in parts so time is a loose concept (ie. in one part, the scene might be one day and the next part might be two months worth of scenes). This story is also going to be a loose "re-write" and I emphasize the quotations around re-write. This story is in no way going to follow each episode from the show but I do start off at the end of Season Two so, in that sense, this story is a re-write. Now I love reviews...I'm a whore for reviews but a classy one;) I will not place quotas for each section before posting the next and I won't be devastated if I don't get any but I do hope the few who decide to take a chance on this story will want to review. I am in no way a great writer but with that being said, I am not here to become one either. I am here because I love reading and because ideas have bounced around in my head that I thought other people who share my love for all things Bangel might enjoy as well. As many of us learn at those tender ages of kool-aid and cookies, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Seriously, if you don't like it, that's too bad for you. As much as I would love to please everyone who takes a chance on me, I can't, it just isn't possible. We all have different tastes and maybe I'm not your favorite flavor but as I have mentioned in previous stories, I'll take constructive criticism with open arms. If you have theories or ideas that you think would make my story better, please let me know! I want those who read to be involved and I want to know if there is something you'd like to see happen; like I said, I can't please everyone but maybe I can please some. Anyways, I know you aren't here to read my awesome ramblings so enough about me. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> _Please! We all know what would have happened if any Bangel fan owned these characters but alas that is not the case. They belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc etc much to my dismay. I just like to pretend._

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><p><strong><em>"We Are But Destined Lovers Without a Roadmap"<em>**

Rating: NC-17; There will be smut...I think, I hope...well let's see how it goes.

Summary: Their rings clashed together as they gave themselves to one another physically, a soft, frail voice drifting from the sound, a whispered "save him" permeating her dark mind. A Slayer fighting the evils of the world alone is how it has always been, it's the way it should have been. But a small blonde-haired girl changed that...the vampire with a soul changed that. "I fight for him".

Spoilers: Everything before season three and possibly parts of season three...maybe more. I haven't really decided yet.

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><p><strong><span>Prologue <span>**

_I cannot exist without you..._

_I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again..._

_my life seems to stop there..._

_I see no further._

_You have absorb'd me._

_I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving..._

_I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion..._

_I have shudder'd at it..._

_I shudder no_ _more._

_I could be martyr'd for my Religion..._

_love is my religion..._

_I could die for that..._

_I could die for you._

_My creed is love and you are its only tenet..._

_you have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist._

_~John Keats~_


	2. Part One:  Sylvia Plath

**Part One **

_Dying is an art, like everything else._

_I do it exceptionally well._

_I do it so it feels like Hell. _

~_Sylvia Plath_

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><p>She braced her hands against her knees, her stomach tightening sickly as she heaved. Her tears silently streaking her once-tanned cheeks as she coughed repeatedly before collapsing to the hard, concrete floor, her tiny fists slamming against the cold stone as she screamed in pure, animalistic agony. Her small frame shook with heart-wrenching sobs as she emptied her shattered heart to the ground, her tears continuous flowing rivers of despair. Time past unbeknownst to the small girl as she continued to cry, her tears now silent whispers of pain and misery. Her body curled in on its side, gently rocking back and forth as she stared, her eyes unmoving as she mumbled repeatedly, "I'm so sorry...so sorry...so sorry...sorry...sorry." Her voice a mere raw, whisper.<p>

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><p>It was early morning, days later before the Slayer pushed herself up off the dusty ground. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks dry and itchy, and her body cold as she slowly made her way out of the Crawford Street mansion. She didn't remember her walk back to Revello drive or climbing through the window into the room that once gave her solace. She moved stiffly and silently as she collected the few things she felt necessary; clothes, Mr. Gordo…she nearly choked as her hand came in contact with the rough, worn leather that was much too big. Her tears swam behind closed eyes as she briefly thought back to that night.<p>

"_Hi."_

_*I missed you* "I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib."_

"_I won't be long."_

_*Please stay* "No...you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe and then disappear into the night…right?"_

"_You're cold."_

_*I'm sorry* "You can take it."_

"_I mean you look cold."_

She silently reached for it, bringing it up to her nose and inhaling deeply. A soft whimper escaped her dry, chapped lips as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. It still smelled like him. She gently swung it around her back, the wide sleeves slipping over her toned arms, encasing her, as she remembered how good he looked in it.

"_It looks better on you."_

Buffy swallowed thickly before reaching for her large duffle and making her way out of the room as quickly as possible. She didn't know where she would go but she knew she couldn't stay there; it wasn't home, she had no home…not any more. She tucked her hands securely into the cool pockets, her shoulders hunched forward as she made her way to the end of Revello drive.

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><p>It had been five weeks since Acathla… some thirty-five days since Buffy sealed Angel's fate as well as her own. She had moved into the once abandoned mansion… to an extent. It wasn't home; her home was in Hell, but it was as close as she could get. Angelus or Angel, it really didn't matter at this point, she just wanted to feel him, to know he was real and not just a figment of her imagination. Monday, Tuesday, Friday…they all blended together. She spent much of the days lying in bed, his sheets wrapped around her, and the nights sitting against the wall as she stared at the spot where he said he loved her for the very last time. The nights were always the hardest.<p>

She didn't hunt. She didn't contact the Scooby gang. She wasn't sure if they were looking for her or not; she snorted at the thought, she didn't really care enough to put their worries to rest if they were looking, but she figured even if they claimed they were, they weren't looking very hard. No one had come near the mansion since that night. Still, she was careful on the rare occasion that she did leave the seclusion of what was now her…living space, which was precisely why she was wandering down dank, dark, abandoned alleys and side streets at this very moment. She didn't expect to run into any of them at this time of night but on the off chance that they were out, she knew they would never venture down the less-travelled streets of Sunnydale, which put her mind somewhat at ease. She didn't want to see them and she definitely didn't want to feel obligated to them.

Her walk was slow, leisurely. Her hands tucked firmly into the leather pockets as her thumb absentmindedly played with the ring secured on her third, left finger. She never took it off nor the cross that weighed heavily around her neck. They were the few memories she was able to retain that weren't tainted or marred with the thoughts of their very last time together. Every other thought morphed into that fateful night, leaving her sick and weak. In those memories, no matter how hard she tried, they always twisted to then, but there was no Angelus, no fight… just her lover whispering his love and adoration for her before screaming in agony, his borrowed blood pooling at the invisible wound inflicted by her hand as he looked at her in heart-breaking question.

"Hello?"

Buffy's eyes snapped upwards in confusion.

"I said that will be twelve sixty-seven. Cash, debit, or credit?" The boy asked in annoyance.

She shook her head slightly, pushing her thoughts aside as she silently handed the young teen the cash before grabbing her small grocery bag and making her way back out into the chilled, dark night. Lost deep in thought, she wasn't aware of the turn she had missed before she heard their voices. Looking up she saw Willow, Oz, Xander, and Cordelia walking away from the small coffee shop. Buffy felt her eyes widen and her breathing pick up as she looked for a quick escape. Seeing the dark, dead-end where the coffee shop's back exit was, she bolted towards it, her back pressing against the damp brick as she waited with baited breath. Minutes passed before she let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure if they had seen her but she took the lack of her name being screamed through the streets as a positive sign, and with a hasty peek around the corner, checking both directions, she hurried her way back to Crawford Street.

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><p>It wasn't until the next evening that her solitude came crashing down as a knock sounded against the mansion's outside wall.<p>

"Hello? Buffy?" The person sighed before walking a little further into the open living room. Looking around slowly, they spoke, "Buffy, if you're here, I came alone…no one knows I'm here."

Buffy was surprised when it was Cordelia's voice she heard but she was still slightly nervous. At Cordelia's quiet words of coming alone, Buffy slowly stepped out from the hallway. "Cordelia?" She whispered.

"Buffy! Oh thank God!" She breathed before enveloping the much smaller, blonde woman in her arms.

"Um, Cordelia?" Buffy choked.

"Right, sorry…I'm just so glad to see you."

Buffy raised her eyebrow, incredulity apparent on her face.

"What? I am!" The brunette said defensively.

Buffy sighed softly, her arms wrapping around her torso as if to protect herself from an unknown threat. "How did you find me?" She whispered tiredly.

"Well after last night…" Cordelia watched Buffy's eyes widen in what looked like fear and her posture become stiff. "I was the only one who saw you Buffy." She murmured. The Slayer visibly relaxed, her shoulders dropping as she exhaled slowly in relief. "In fact, it was so unexpected and sudden that I wasn't even sure if I did see you, but I had to find out, so I've been driving all over Sunnydale. I didn't even think to check here until the last minute…just in case."

"Oh."

An awkward silence settled over the two, young women, neither knowing what to say nor how to act. "Do you, ya know, want to talk about it?"

"What?" Buffy asked, clearly confused.

Cordelia huffed loudly. "You know what Buffy. Why you're staying here, why you never came back, what happened…that night."

Buffy gulped before dropping onto the large couch, looking and feeling fifteen years older than she was. "There's not much to talk about."

"Oh come on Buffy, we both know that isn't true." Cordelia said in annoyance though her voice held no actual malice.

"There really isn't…we fought, I saved the world."

At Cordelia's raised eyebrow, Buffy slouched, drawing in on herself more before whispering, "He came back."

"Back? What do you…oh Buffy." Cordelia murmured, wrapping her arm around the Slayer's shoulders as she started to cry.

"He came back…he came back and I…I killed him." She whimpered.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, her own tears coating her dark lashes as she let Buffy cry.

"I miss him so much."

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><p>Neither knew how much time had passed when Buffy's tears turned into soft sniffles.<p>

"Thank you Cordy."

"Don't worry about it."

"I don't mean to…complain, but why are you being so nice? Last time I checked, we weren't the best of friends and you hated Angelus."

"This is going to sound so stupid but I've…grown up a lot over these past couple of months."

At Buffy's quirked eyebrow, Cordelia continued with a huff, "As in Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes…for the last twelve years. We lost everything."

"I'm sorry Cordelia."

The brunette waved her hand in dismissal. "Don't be, it wasn't your fault even if I am incredibly bitter about the whole thing. That's not the only reason I've…changed; helping you gave me a new look on life, you made me realize that sometimes there are more important things in life than where you stand on the high school popularity ladder. I admire you Buffy and what you do… I like being able to say I've helped. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm still the gorgeous, wonderful, Cordelia Chase who deserves the world on a platter…just with a few minor tweaks." She said with a flip of her hair.

Buffy smiled slightly.

"So, why are you staying here?"

"Oh um, well…my mom kicked me out."

"What? Why?"

"She couldn't accept this," Buffy said with a general wave of her hand over her own form, "and I didn't really have time to explain to her why I was going to a 'fight-to-the-death' with my…going to fight um Angelus at the time."

"Ah… but that doesn't explain why you're staying _here_."

"I feel close to him here." Buffy whispered quietly.

"Buffy, did Angel…did he remember…anything?" She asked quietly.

Buffy blinked back tears, shaking her head softly. "No, the last thing he remembered was my birthday."

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><p>"Why don't you want them to know you're okay?" Cordelia asked as Buffy waited for the tea kettle to whistle. Cordelia had left shortly after their last conversation with a promise to be back, and true to her word, she had come back on three separate occasions. Buffy was actually somewhat grateful that she came to visit. Though she only stayed for an hour or so, it still gave Buffy something to do aside from reliving past memory after past memory.<p>

"Because."

"Because why?"

Buffy huffed. "Because I don't want to see them." She said, taking two mugs from the cupboard and placing them on the countertop.

"Buffy…"

"Cordelia, no. I don't…I can't be who they expect me to be anymore…I just can't."

"I'm not condoning their actions Buffy." The brunette whispered. "I just think you should, maybe, let them know you are alright."

"They seem to be surviving fine without knowing where I am."

"Maybe, but do you really want to run into them in the middle of the street at some random time when you are completely unprepared?"

"Do you never argue with Xander? I think I'd be unprepared either way." Buffy replied wryly, handing a steaming cup to Cordy.

"True. Wait, what about slaying?"

"What about it?"

"Well…you usually find, fight, tell Giles, he researches, then you go slay."

She sighed softly, "I…I don't…can't fight anymore Cordelia."

"But…"

"I…the Slayer doesn't exist anymore Cordy." Her tone of voice effectively ending the conversation.

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><p>Buffy awoke with a start, the damp sheets falling to her waist, his name still lingering on her lips as she panted. She brought her legs up to her chest, rocking herself back and forth slightly. She rested her forehead against her knees while closing her eyes, letting the tears fall. It was happening more and more frequently and they were becoming much more vivid, she recalled, as a shiver racked her body. She breathed deeply as she thought over what happened. Tonight's started just like all the others, a lovely memory of Angel and her that she kept dear to her heart.<p>

_They were in the cemetery that same week when the eggs for her health class turned out to be a big bad. His one palm had slid down her arm softly, the tips of his fingers ghosting over the curve of her back, landing at her waist, his other hand delicately traced over her shoulder, sliding into her golden locks before both hands pulled her closer. She ran her right hand up his cloth-covered chest, using his neck as a way to pull herself up as her other hand had wrapped around his shoulder, pulling herself infinitely closer, their lips meeting passionately. Just as she felt the tip of his tongue sensually lick the seam of her lips, begging for entrance, the scene had changed to the warehouse where Drusilla and Spike had holed up with the Judge. She watched Angel walk in confidently. She was about to tell him to leave, that he would be killed when Angel's eyes widened in fear. The Judge placed his hand on the vampire's chest and Buffy could hear herself cry out when he smirked._

"_It kind of itches a little." *Angelus*_

Her dream continued to flash through her mind, the next scene bringing a fresh wave of tears to her eyes.

"_Yeah like I really wanted to stick around after __**that**__." _

"_After…what do you…?"_

"_Lighten up. It was a good time, doesn't mean we have to make a big deal."_

"_It __**is**__ a big deal!"_

"_It's what? Fireworks…bells ringing…a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? Come on Buffy…"_

_It was then, just as Buffy felt her heart shatter again, the picture changed to a dark, dank room; the air heavy and humid. It was quiet…too quiet. Buffy slowly walked along the sandy ground, looking all around, trying to figure out where exactly she was when a bright light emanated a short distance in front of her. She felt her breath catch as he stood before her in just a pair of dark, drawstring pants. He looked directly at her, looking deep into her eyes._

"_It __**was**__ the best of my existence." He said firmly. _

_She went to reach out for him when suddenly, almost as if looking through binoculars, the next frame blurred out around the edges, the center focused on her soul mate's form; his arms spread wide, his wrists hanging limply from heavy, iron shackles as his head rolled listlessly, his knees bent like they had buckled, no longer able to support his hulking frame. Like he could feel her eyes on him, his head snapped up, his eyes penetrating hers before throwing his head back and screaming her name. _

Buffy shivered again, a nauseating feeling overcoming her slight frame as she sat curled on his bed. It was Hell…he was chained in Hell. But the other memories, they were from the past, it couldn't be prophetic…could it? She didn't understand in the slightest.

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><p>She felt like screaming. Climbing to highest peak in all of Sunnydale and screaming until she could no longer breathe. It was the same every night, her eyes would eventually close as her body gave into the sleep it so desperately required and every night she would wake up panting and sweating, her body shaking as she whispered his name. It was making her ill…literally. Her skin was sallow and pale, her frame much thinner and weaker. Her eyes were dull, dark circles marring the once luminescent skin. They were getting worse, more detailed and more excruciatingly painful. Before, it was as if she was an innocent bystander just observing the scene, but now, now she was seeing them through the individual who was present in each scene…it was her hands that would move, her lips that would open to speak; it was virtual reality and she was terrified. The harsher they got, the harder she tried to stay awake. She grabbed his leather coat from the side of the couch before making her way out of the mansion. As hard as she had tried to stay awake tonight, she had drifted off into a deep sleep. Her body, eventually winning the battle, reached for that which it had lacked for the last three consecutive nights. A tremor shook her body as she remembered tonight's "dream".<p>

_At first she thought it was Angel, the way he quietly crept into her room, his gentle and soft movements. She wasn't sure whose eyes she was viewing this dream from but she couldn't tear them away as she watched in fascination as he sat on the edge of her bed, his eyes locked firmly on her sleeping form. Her bottom lip shook in vain attempt to keep her tears back as she watched his large hand drift along her cheek, his face showing an almost reverent look as he watched, mesmerized as the back of his finger traced her temple, following the curve of her delicate cheekbone before drifting away as he neared her jaw. A lone tear slipped from the corner of her eye as she blinked, a silent choke catching in her throat as she watched him take out a piece of paper and a single charcoal stick._

Buffy gripped the cold concrete slab next to her as she hunched over, her body shaking as it attempted to expel the contents of her empty stomach. She coughed and hiccupped as she heaved. Angelus. She felt the tears swim behind her closed lids as she tried hopelessly to push the sight of him gently stroking her sleeping face away. She never heard the vampire behind her until it was too late. She felt the hard strike to her back and stumbled forward, her hands gripping the damp grass as she caught herself.

"Slayer."

Buffy shook her head.

"Is the Slayer scared?" He taunted.

"Leave me alone and I won't kill you."

He snarled before charging towards her. She twisted to the left and kicked him in the back, sending him sprawling to ground. He jumped back up, aiming an upper cut to her jaw. She dodged, not realizing his other hand was poised in a fist, aiming for her midsection. She hunched over, pain shooting through her abdomen. She stumbled backwards as she felt a very faint tingle at the base of her spine; her eyes wildly searching in vain attempt to see through the shadows for the cause as her opponent advanced predatorily towards her. He dealt a swift kick to the side of her temple, her knees collapsing beneath her as her vision swam. He held the back of her head, his dirt-covered fingers gripping her hair painfully as he tilted her head upwards. She saw his yellow eyes flash in hunger and pride, his mouth open wide as his fangs reached for her pulsing jugular. She whimpered weakly, her ears ringing and her head pounding. The tingle in her spine spiked sharply as she heard a faint but distinct growl. Her blurry eyes snapped open, she knew that growl. Both surprise and confusion marred her features as she watched the vampire's eyes widen before he burst into dust. With the vampire's hand now gone, she collapsed backwards, her weak, battered body unable to support itself. Images swam behind her closed eyes as her breathing picked up.

"_I was hoping I'd find you here…you're here on a date...maybe I like you...you even look pretty when you go to sleep…I really can't be around you...all I can ever think about is how badly I want to kiss you…they restored my soul…I can walk like a man, but I'm not one…I just gotta walk away from this…you think I want anything to happen to you…do you think I could stand it…crazy…like a two hundred, forty-one year old being jealous of a high school junior…maybe it bothers me a little…I'm just trying to protect you…this could get out of control…I hear this place sells coffee…I thought, maybe, you and I could get some sometime…I always wished I could meet someone exciting…interesting…do you love me…there's a rink out past Route 17…it's closed on Tuesdays…you shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this…kiss me…It's a Claddagh ring…the hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart…it means you belong to somebody…I love you…I try not to but I can't stop…Buffy…I'm more interested in the Slayer…you can't do it…you can't kill me…I'm the one who should be sorry…you thought I stopped loving you…I never did…I feel like I haven't seen you in months…I love you."_

Each memory faded and blurred into the next. She closed her eyes tightly; love, pain, and despair radiating from her in waves. Tears pushed themselves from between her closed lashes as memories broke from their cages, banging and screaming for release. Her body shook and her soul wept as she cried out. The images halted just as fast as they came, a picture of their rings clashing together as they gave themselves to one another physically, a soft, frail voice drifting from the sound, a whispered _"save him"_ permeating her dark mind. Angel's bruised and battered figure appeared, his wrists raw and his body bloody as his brown eyes locked with her hazel ones. _"Buffy."_ Her eyes snapped open, her back arched, his name an ear-piercing scream from her lips before her eyes shut, her body collapsing as the Slayer slipped into a state of unconsciousness.

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><p>Buffy's quiet moan broke the silence of Restfield Cemetery. Her body snapped up, wincing at the pain inflicted from the fight though she paid no notice as she jumped up, walking quickly and determinedly out the gates. In the words of Angelus, things were about to get very interesting.<p>

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><p>:)<p> 


	3. Part Two:  Walt Disney

**AU Note:** Oh my gosh...to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, and/or PM me, thank you so much! You have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. You are all so wonderful! I became insanely giddy this morning when my emails said that this story had been reviewed and also placed on your favorite lists, I can't thank you all enough for not only giving me a chance, but this story as well. It means the world to me you guys, seriously!

_~A :]_

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><p><strong>Part Two<strong>

_I don't like formal gardens._

_I like wild nature._

_It's just the wilderness instinct in me, I guess._

_~Walt Disney_

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><p>"I need your help."<p>

"Buffy? What happened to you?...wait, did you say _my_ help?"

"Never mind that Cordy, and yes I need your help."

"I'm sensing there's more going on that you're not telling me."

Buffy pressed her lips into a thin line before speaking. "I'm bringing Angel back."

"Buffy…"

"Don't." The Slayer interrupted. "Don't say it."

She wasn't sure if Buffy was being serious or if this was just a much too late attempt to deny Angel's gruesome departing but either way, Cordelia sighed. "What do you need?"

"I need you to grab a few books of Giles's…mainly the ones about hell dimensions, Acathla, and souls."

"From Giles?" She yelped, "He'll kill me!"

"Then don't tell him." The Slayer caustically replied.

"And how do you expect me to get them without him knowing?"

"I don't care Cordelia!"

Cordelia's eyes widened at Buffy's outburst. "Fine, but I better not get in trouble." She huffed petulantly, though both knew, whether Cordelia got caught or not, she would never tell the Scooby gang the truth.

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><p>Buffy was frustrated and that was putting it mildly. She had read through half of the books the brunette was able to grab over the last day and a half and found nothing…absolutely nothing. Neither of them had. Cordelia had helped when she could but with school and keeping up the pretenses of not knowing anything about Buffy, she couldn't blow the Scooby gang off without suspicion. Buffy slammed the fourth book closed with an angry huff. She was getting nowhere while Angel was getting tortured. She felt horrible. She had seen the small looks Cordelia had given her over the past few days after she had told the brunette about her dreams, she knew she was flying on blind faith and grasping at straws when it came to saving him. She didn't know if it was even possible, but her dreams meant something damn it! They had to.<p>

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><p>She hadn't slept for two days, so when her eyes started to get heavy, Buffy laid her head down against her folded arms, thinking she could maybe just rest her eyes for a few moments before starting the search again. Her closed eyes twitched, her breathing picking up as abstract images flashed through her mind. Buffy's brow furrowed as she dreamt, her unconscious mind trying to pick out what the images were. Pictures rushed by as her mind tried in what was only hopeless attempt after hopeless attempt to decipher them. The last image was of, what looked like the Crawford Street mansion's living room. Dark and omniscient shadows travelled the walls, reaching for safety as if they knew what was coming. Suddenly, a bright light emanated from the high ceiling, its pinnacle widening as the statue of Acathla reappeared. Its positioning the same as when it had once opened its jaws, sucking her lover into Hell. The white light shone down, its beams like small bullets piercing the stone's form. The ground shook as the statue fractured and cracked, light peeking through its ruptured openings as they spread…widening into gaping holes until exploding into dust. The same soft, whispered, <em>"save him"<em> drifted through the settling dust before she was awoken by a rough shaking of her arm.

"Buffy?"

"Cordy?" She whispered hoarsely.

"Are you alright? You were crying."

Buffy was surprised to feel the wetness coating her cheeks as she blinked, realizing she had fallen asleep. "I don't know."

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><p>"Sounds way weird to me." Cordelia spoke as Buffy finished relaying the dream to her.<p>

"I know."

"Yeah, like I get the whole Acathla part, sort of, because I mean that's how Ang…" At Buffy's grimace, Cordelia hastily switched topics. "Is there anything else I can do?"

"No…not tonight at least." Buffy whispered.

Cordelia smiled sympathetically before gathering her things. "I'll stop by tomorrow after class."

The brunette was reaching for the heavy curtain that led to the exit when Buffy's soft question stopped her.

"Why are you helping Cordelia? I mean, I know we talked about this already but you're going above and beyond helping me …cope."

Cordy pressed her lips together in thought. "Because Buffy…you and Angel belong together."

Buffy smiled a soft but sad smile before settling back into the couch, the collapsing curtain the only sound echoing through the large room.

* * *

><p>Buffy walked slowly down the street. It was late enough that no one was out but not late enough that the sun was close to rising. She was grateful that school had started two weeks ago. She was still careful and weary about going out in risk of running into someone that would recognize her, or worse, the Scooby gang, but since classes started, everyone seemed to be going home sooner and therefore leaving Sunnydale's streets quiet and bare earlier. Her feet directed her body in no specific direction as she allowed her mind to once again run rampant with doubt. She sighed, her thoughts clearly etched into the sorrow visible on her face; she was getting nowhere fast and she knew it. Her tears fought to break through the barriers of her closed eyes as an overwhelming sense of failure began to surround her. The blonde wrapped her leather clad arms around herself tightly, wishing above all else that they were his large arms holding her close instead of her own small ones. She felt like she was drowning in despair all over again. Her hopes of finding something, anything that would lead her to him, were quickly being dashed by the feeling of failure and foolishness. She blinked rapidly as her vision became blurry. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to let him down, but it seemed like both were inevitable as a lone tear splashed to the pavement. She sniffled, silently berating herself, the only way his arms would be wrapped around her again was if she brought him back…and he didn't hate her; she shook her head roughly. She would deal with those probable and most-likely possibilities later. Right now, she just had to get him back; he didn't deserve to be there. Buffy let out a long sigh and thought back to what she had read earlier before falling asleep. She had read all about Hell dimensions but had switched over to the two "Soul" texts after she felt like she would be sick for the third time. The idea that time moves completely different in other dimensions was devastating to her, the possibility that the torture he was being subjected to was much longer than the now four months that he had been gone was sickening, but it was the idea that he was being tortured because of the beautiful soul that had attracted her to him to begin with that made her rush outside for air. The texts spoke much about the principle of souls but most of it was difficult to understand. The parts Buffy did grasp repeated through her mind as she walked blindly. <em>The soul was the essence of a person. It was eternal<em>. It annoyed her to new lengths though as she had already known those things. She had learned them from the soul of her lover himself; it was what gave her the ability to distinguish between him and his demon counterpart. She smiled softly as she remembered the text's small reference to soul mates. The one and only half of another's soul, bound to one another for eternity. She swallowed thickly as the fingers of her right hand twisted the Claddagh on her left. She knew without a doubt, Angel was her soul mate.

"_Where it with the heart pointing towards you. It…it means you belong to somebody."_

"_Because…you belong together."_

Bound together… Buffy's eyes widened as she gasped, her hands dropping to her sides as she took off, running back in the direction of Crawford street.

* * *

><p>Her heart raced as her nerves became hyper-charged the closer she got to her destination. She burst through the heavy curtain, not pausing for a second as she navigated her way towards the room she so desperately needed to reach. She slowed the closer she got, breathing deeply before looking up above; praying to whatever power existed, begging for them to let this work. She turned towards the large fireplace; the place where her reason for living ceased to exist months ago. Where Acathla once stood, she kneeled. She slowly slid the silver ring off her left hand. Her eyes clouding with tears as she brought the small representation of their love to her lips, pressing them gently against the heart before reaching out shakily, placing the beautiful piece of jewelry on the ground. "Please come back...please." She whispered before tucking herself against the far wall, fully committed on waiting with baited breath.<p>

* * *

><p>She waited. Her legs were brought up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them as she rested her chin on her knees. Tears swam though she didn't let them fall. As each minute ticked slowly by, her hope dwindled. It wasn't until the darkest hour of night when it happened. Buffy shoulders tensed as the ground beneath her rumbled. It started as a slight shudder growing infinitely larger until the whole mansion began to shake. The few windows still intact rattled in their frames as a white light erupted from above. A wispy fog circulated through the room as the light shone down on her ring, the beam spreading further and further as its pinnacle grew. Buffy shielded her eyes as the bigger it got, the brighter it became. Buffy kept her eyes covered until the shaking abruptly stopped, the light disappearing just as quick as it had arrived, leaving her in darkness once again. The only light left, the moon's faint glow, silhouetted the large body that lay in place of her ring. She wasn't sure what she was expecting but it certainly wasn't the love of her life falling from the sky, naked, sweating, and shaking uncontrollably. She stared wide-eyed for long moments before his weak whimper snapped her into action. She scrambled towards him from her spot against the wall, blanket in tow. She placed his head in her lap, running her palm over his face as he continued to shake convulsively, whimpering and groaning continuously.<p>

His whimpers didn't stop that night, neither did her tears. She held his head in her lap, her fingers running through his damp hair as it seemed to be the only part he allowed her to touch, much to her despair. At first he was shaking uncontrollably and the heavy blanket didn't seem to be helping. She attempted to run her free hand over his arms and back to which he just jerked away. She felt her throat close as more tears poured from her eyes landing on his cheeks, making him whimper.

The next night followed much the same until she left him alone. She had run to the bedroom to grab some more blankets to help keep him warm, not expecting him to move since he had yet to except for a few small twitches, which was precisely why she dropped the linens in her arms as a panicked look took up residency on her face when she returned to an empty room. Her heart was pounding as she frantically searched every inch of the mansion before making her way outside. She tapped into her suppressed slayer senses as she walked through the trees, following a forgotten path. Each step was calculated as she listened for the slightest rustle. It wasn't long until she caught sight of him, his hulking figure rushing through the dense forest. She was glad this area of Sunnydale was regularly left undisturbed as she chased after him. She ran for long minutes before she suddenly lost him in the brush. She slowed her movements, her eyes scanning in every direction. She heard the movement seconds too late as she fell to the ground, the wind knocked out of her. They rolled in opposite directions, both jumping to their feet as they locked eyes with one another. Buffy's widened as she took in the feral face of her vampire. His eyes flashed golden, his fangs bared as he crouched low. The Slayer swallowed thickly and tensed as she heard his growl, fear trickling down her spine as he charged towards her. She twisted to the right before planting her foot against his back, pushing him to stumble forward. She didn't want to fight him. His head whipped back towards her, his gaze glaring as he gnashed his teeth. He came at her again, his right fist connecting with her jaw causing her to stagger sideways before catching herself. She barely escaped his next blow as she crouched and swung her foot out causing him to collapse. He lunged for her bringing her to the ground with him. They rolled and fought through the dirt as each struggled for dominance. She finally gained the upper hand when she flipped him off her, landing a powerful blow to his head before his body hit the ground. She scrubbed her dirty hands over her face as she sat staring at the now unconscious Angel. He was back; he came back to her and instead of telling him how much she loved him while begging for his forgiveness, she kicked him in the head. She shook her own softly before pushing herself up, intent on getting him back inside.

* * *

><p>She heard Cordelia coming before she knocked. Buffy quietly pushed herself up off the floor, trying not to wake the vampire chained to the wall.<p>

"Cordy."

"Oh! Buffy you scared me."

"Sorry." She whispered.

Cordelia stared for long moments at her friend before noticing the fading bruise to her jaw. "What happened?"

"Uh nothing, don't worry about it."

Cordelia quirked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest as she stood, tapping her foot. Buffy sighed and pulled back the heavy curtain slightly, allowing just enough of an opening that Cordelia could see inside. The brunette's eyes widened as her hand clasped over her mouth.

"Oh my God!"

"Shhh Cordy." Buffy said angrily.

"Sorry but…oh my God!"

"I know."

"What…when…why…how?" Cordelia babbled. The blonde sighed, her shoulders sagging as she slid her back down the outside wall, her knees brought up to her chest.

"I don't know honestly. It happened a few nights ago, after you left. I…I left to go for a walk and I don't know it just…came to me. I don't even know how it worked but the next thing I know, he's lying there on the ground."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know." Buffy whimpered. "He doesn't talk and its…it's like he doesn't know who he is, where he is…who I am." She swallowed, her eyes closed tightly. "He acts…wild."

"Wild?"

"Animalistic. He was so out of it the past couple days that I couldn't move him. He was shaking so much…I went to grab a few blankets from the bedroom and when I came back, he…he was gone. I panicked and I went out to look for him. I found him running through the woods, we…we fought and I knocked him out and brought him back here. I had to chain him to the wall so he didn't run off again."

"Buffy, will…will he be okay?" Cordy asked, concern lacing her soft-spoken words.

"I…I don't know. He needs to feed, I think that's why he ran off last night; he can't heal if he doesn't but I can't leave. Could…I mean would you…could you run to the butcher for me?"

* * *

><p>Cordelia left shortly after with a promise to be back as soon as she could. Buffy quietly crept back into the large room, glad to see him still asleep. She sat back down against the wall and watched him, her heart elated but breaking with renewed pain as she watched him whimper. True to her word, Cordelia arrived back just before midnight, large containers in tow. Buffy took them gratefully before making her way to the kitchen silently. Taking one of the large containers out of the paper bags, she placed it in the microwave, warming it to what she hoped was regular body temperature and placing the other containers in the fridge.<p>

She walked towards Angel carefully. He was awake. She took slow measured steps as she whispered his name. His nostrils flared as the scent of blood permeated the air. His head snapped up, a wild growl ripping from his throat as his eyes glowed saffron, his fangs glistening as he snarled. Her breathing picked up as her body trembled but she continued to move towards him.

"Angel." She whispered again. His eyes watched her every movement closely. He lunged towards her when she was close enough causing her to jump, involuntarily stepping back in fear as her eyes swam with tears. She flinched as he reached for her again, pulling at his bindings, the iron clanking loudly. She blinked; trying desperately to keep her tears at bay as she slowly lowered herself to the ground. He continued to watch, his teeth bared, his eyes glaring as she slowly set the large container in front of her. Her frame shook viciously though she tried to keep still; with her eyes trained on the ground she slowly pushed the container towards him until it was within his reach before slowly inching herself back to the far wall, her tears precariously close to breaking free.

* * *

><p>She eventually fell asleep near dawn, her head resting on her knees. The vampire opened his eyes as he heard her heart rate slow, her breathing even out. He stared for long moments, his head tilting from one side to the other as he watched. He sniffed the air, involuntarily slipping into his demon's image as the scent of blood wafted toward him. It was still slightly warm. He looked toward the small blonde girl pressed up against the far wall again before carefully reaching for the large container. Keeping one eye on the other inhabitant of the room, he turned his shoulders, shielding himself from her as he fed.<p>

* * *

><p>:)<p> 


	4. Part Three: Carmen

**AU note:** I realize how horrible I am...honest and I do apologize. I'm sorry (See? An apology). In my defense, life sucks...a lot and often. I really do feel horrible for just disappearing like I did without any information as to why I stopped or if I was even planning on continuing but to those who are thinking of giving me...this story another chance, I want you to know I am planning on continuing. There are changes I need to make and a plot that needs altering but I don't plan on taking months and months to implement said change and alterations. I want to add to this story, I love this story so please just bare with me.

~_A_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Part Three<em>**

_I want to love you, I want to trust you, but I'm scared._

_Will you catch me? Will you always be there?_

_Will you kiss away my tears and protect my heart?_

_Please say yes because if you don't…_

_my heart and soul will shatter into oblivion._

_~Carmen_

* * *

><p>Buffy awoke with a start the next afternoon to low growling coming from the vampire across the room. Blinking, her tired gaze fell upon him only to have her sleepy eyes widen as she saw his predatory stance; his body stiff, shoulders hunched slightly forward, his game-face present as glowing saffron eyes glared toward the entrance. Buffy stood up and quietly whispered his name. His gaze snapped to hers, narrowing slightly before looking back to the heavy curtain. He watched her move toward the doorway, his growling growing louder with every step she took. She turned to look at him, speaking gently as she said it would be okay before quickly disappearing. Buffy was surprised to see Cordelia pacing the front walk as she waited for the Slayer.<p>

"Cordy what's wrong?"

"Buffy, thank God!" The brunette exclaimed.

"What's…why are you pacing?"

Cordelia abruptly stopped, waving her hand toward the heavy curtained entrance. "Growling."

"Oh." Buffy mumbled, her brows lowering in confusion as they stood in silence. "What is it?"

"We…I… I need your help."

"Cordy?"

The brunette heaved a big sigh before explaining the situation quickly. "Alright there's this problem going on in that people are, well, turning up dead. At first we thought maybe since it's full-moon time and all, that it was Oz, but Mr. Platt was murdered during the day..."  
>"Cordy," Buffy sighed, not in the mood to hear the long story. "What are you saying?"<p>

"You have to do what you do! You know…slay!"

"Cordy, no."

"But…"

"No." The Slayer shook her head, taking a step back.

"Buffy, I know you said you don't…that you can't but you have to…people are dying!"

The blonde flinched involuntarily. She knew she should help, that she had the power to help; that's not where her problem lied. She just…didn't know how to help anymore.

"I'm sure Giles has a plan."

Cordelia raised an eyebrow before rolling her eyes, "Yeah, a tranquilizer gun." She sighed before whispering softly. "We need your help Buffy…he's too strong for any of us to fight."

Buffy closed her eyes, bringing her arms up to wrap securely around her torso, her shoulders hunched forward. "Cordy…"

"Please Buffy…"

"I…" Buffy looked back toward the heavy curtain that separated her from Angel. "Angel," she breathed. He would want her to do the right thing…to help.

"Buffy, I'm sure Angel will be just fi..."

The Slayer held up her hand as she dropped her head. "Do you know who it is?"

"It's um it's Debbie's boyfriend Pete, he's some weird monster thing that transforms from human to, well, monster."

"Alright, meet me at the school in a couple hours."

"Thank you Buffy."

Buffy nodded reluctantly before walking back into the mansion. She had a feeling things were about to get very difficult.

* * *

><p>Buffy made her way toward the kitchen, not daring to look up as she felt his eyes follow her. She placed another large container in the microwave, noting she would have to grab some from the blood bank as well; human blood would be much more beneficial for him then his usual fare but the supply would be much smaller. She set the container within his reach once again before backing away slowly, glancing up only to see his golden eyes flitting from her to the duffle at her feet then back. She swallowed before wringing her hands together.<p>

"Angel, I…I have to step out, um…go away for a bit. I'll be back though…I promise." She whispered, not knowing if he understood. She let out a sigh, "I'll be back." Her shoulders slumped as she reached for her bag, hefting the heavy sack over her shoulder before making her way out the door.

* * *

><p>Buffy arrived at the back of Sunnydale High just as the sun dipped below the horizon. Cordelia was already there.<p>

"Where is everyone else?"

"In there, they don't know I'm out here."

"Alright, here's the plan. You said the guy gets jealous, right?"

"Crazy jealous…in desperate need of a straitjacket jealous."

"Okay, you're going to have to provoke him and get everyone else out of here."

"What?!"

Buffy winced at the brunette's loud shriek. "Cordy, there is no other way. If you want me to deal with him, I have to be able to get to him."

"Can't I…I just shoot them with the tranquilizer gun under the lie that I was aiming for Pete?"

Buffy stared wide-eyed at Cordelia.

"Ugh fine!"

"Cordy, I really don't care how you do it, just get him out here."

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before Buffy heard Cordelia screaming for help. She ran in from the back of the stacks only to come to a screeching halt at what she saw. "Cordy!"<p>

"I…I didn't mean to! Honest! Pete came running in all monster like and started attacking Oz and then he changed and started biting Pete and I was closest to the gun so I shot! I…I didn't mean to close my eyes!"

"Where is everyone else?"

"Well, Giles is…is there," she muttered, waving her hand toward the unconscious body at the bottom of the stairs.

"Cordelia!"

"Willow ran after Oz with the gun and Xander went to find Debbie."

"Where's Pe…wait Debbie was here?" The small blonde asked slowly.

"Yeah, Willow and I were talking to her when Pete came rushing in. She ran off when they started fighting."

The Slayer huffed. "Find Xander and the others and bring them back here. I'll find Pete."

"Buffy…"

"Do whatever it takes Cordy, Xander is looking for Debbie and I have a feeling where she is, Pete is."

"But…"

"Go Cordy!"

Buffy took off through the library doors, following the small spattering of blood down the many empty halls of Sunnydale High. Her brow furrowed as the thin trail suddenly ran cold. Glancing around, she tried to figure out where he could have possibly gone when something caught her eye above the lockers. She pulled herself up and pushed open the glass, landing quietly as her heels sunk into the soft, damp grass on the other side. She jogged slowly, listening and looking for any sign of where he could have went.

"Bingo." She whispered as she reached for the bloodied door of the tool shed. She walked in slowly, her slayer senses on high alert as she surveyed the small area. "Oh God." The Slayer murmured, rushing towards the motionless Debbie; with the blonde's instincts focused solely on protecting rather than hunting, she failed to notice the shadow lurking behind the tall metal shelving. Her small hand just grasped the quickly-cooling wrist of the victim when she was suddenly jerked back as Pete grabbed her from behind, throwing her against the wall causing her to collapse to the ground at the force. His hand gripped her left arm tightly; lifting her to her knees as he repeatedly back-handed her.

"All the same! You're all the same!"

She fell back at the force of the fourth blow to her face. Bracing her hands against the concrete, she kicked him in the abdomen causing his body to collide with the stack of wooden crates behind him. Before either one had the opportunity to move the door swung open, moonlight highlighting the large form standing in the doorway. Buffy's eyes widened as she saw the vampire, his amber eyes looking down at her before growling loudly and racing toward her assailant. The shackles clearly ripped from the mansion wall became his weapon as he swung them at Pete repeatedly. Between swings, Pete threw his fist toward the vampire's jaw, grabbing him by the throat and slamming him against the wooden work bench behind them. He twisted, using his own weight to his advantage as he shoved the vampire to the floor. Pete turned his crazed eyes toward Buffy as she scrambled to her feet. Advancing toward her, the teen ignored the glowing eyes glaring at his retreating back. Pushing himself off the ground, the chain links firmly grasped in his hands, he wrapped the heavy iron around Pete's neck. With a loud roar he pulled, flipping the boy over his shoulder and turned, the chain twisting tightly around his opponent's neck. Her protector stood behind him, lips curled back in a sneer as he pulled at the chains, squeezing them tighter and tighter around Pete's neck until a sickening snap echoed throughout the small room. The restraints loosened, the dead body falling limply to the floor. Buffy stared wide-eyed, her breathing shallow as Angel blinked before slowly walking toward her. She gazed up at his hulking form, his vampiric guise giving way to that of its counterpart. Brown eyes searched hazel.

He swallowed. "Buffy?"

Her eyes widened even further and her body shuddered as he dropped to his knees, his large arms enveloping her narrow waist as he pressed himself against her abdomen, his tears muffled against her body as his trembled. Buffy closed her eyes feeling her own tears making their way down her cheeks. She let out a silent sob, her shoulders shaking as his curled in, pulling her closer.

"Oh Buffy."

* * *

><p>She didn't know how long she stood there, silent tears running down her face as he held her close. He continued to whisper her name even as his tears subsided to soft whimpers. She slowly brought her hand up, gently brushing the brown locks as she whispered his name. She felt his arms flex around her causing a few more tears to trickle from her eyes.<p>

"Angel…I…you...we should go."

He shook his head slightly. She reached for his shoulders with both hands, squeezing lightly. As much as she wanted to stand there and continue to feel his arms wrapped tightly around her, she knew they had to leave. She didn't want Xander, Willow, and Oz to see her but she absolutely could not have them see Angel.

"Angel," she pleaded. "Please, we have to leave."

He slowly withdrew his arms from her body before standing up, keeping his eyes downcast, and nodded. She bit her lip to keep from crying out at the loss of his body against hers. Turning quickly, she peeked between the wooden doors, checking the vast open night before grabbing his hand and pulling him back toward Crawford Street.

* * *

><p>It wasn't long until they reached the mansion but the silence that stretched between them made it feel as if it had taken hours.<p>

"Buffy?" Angel whispered quietly.

She turned around in silent question and saw him shift his arms slightly. She swallowed before nodding, turning back around to get the key for the shackles still locked firmly around his wrists. Key in hand, she moved toward him, her eyes cast downward. Her vision blurred at the feel of his skin against her own. Her hand shakily twisted, allowing each restraint to crash loudly to the ground.

"Thank you."

She nodded imperceptibly, her hand letting go of his as the other gripped the key tightly in her palm, the metal grooves digging roughly into her skin. Buffy swallowed harshly before whispering she would be back, making a quick retreat to the kitchen. She splayed her palms against the cold counter as her head dropped, her eyes filling with tears. She breathed deeply willing and silently begging them away before reaching into the fridge, placing the second last container of pig's blood in the small microwave. She made her way back to the large living room, grateful yet saddened to see him sleeping on the floor near the empty fireplace. Picking up one of the blankets, she quietly made her way over to him, draping the heavy fabric over his still twitching body. Setting the container aside, she brushed her hand through his hair before making her way back to the far wall. Curling her legs beneath her, she pulled her cardigan closer over her body, never taking her eyes off him.

* * *

><p>She woke the next afternoon to the heavy blanket covering her small body as Angel slept only a few feet away, the large container sitting empty on the hearth of the fireplace. She gazed over his sleeping form; his fever had gone down, and his shaking had slowed to a slight tremble every so often. She quietly stood, making her way to the one bathroom that had a working shower.<p>

* * *

><p>A little while later, the Slayer made her way to the fridge, pulling out the last container. She sighed as she realized she would have to go out today, before night settled in and he woke up. The Slayer frowned at the thought of leaving him, asleep or not, but there was no other option. As much as she hated the idea of leaving and stepping into a world where she felt she no longer belonged, Angel definitely couldn't and him not feeding was out of the question. Grabbing the now warmed blood, she padded into the living room. Setting the container down, she made her way toward the exit; with one more look behind her at the sleeping vampire she brushed the curtain aside, slipping out silently.<p>

* * *

><p>The trip had taken her much longer than she had anticipated as she finally made it up the walk. She had wanted to make it back before he woke up but luck was apparently not on her side as the sun had set two hours ago. She made her way toward the kitchen only to stop short as she reached the private stone garden's entrance. She stood transfixed as she watched his shirtless form. His actions slow, precise, and controlled as he executed each movement with memorized, graceful efficiency. His upper body twisted slowly, his arms outstretched as he inhaled deeply. His eyes, following the movement, turned and locked on hers.<p>

"Buffy." He exhaled.

"I…I didn't know you could do that." She spoke softly, fascination coating ever word.

"I'm doing better." He spoke, slowly walking toward her only to reach for the stone block as he stumbled.

"Angel!" She rushed forward, her hands outstretched to steady him.

They carefully made their way to the couch, her arms wrapped around his waist as he leaned heavily against her. The silence stretched between them though their bodies were close. She could feel the slow hum vibrating through her every nerve, her skin tingling at the feel of his. She forced herself back while her body screamed to be closer.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, rushing back toward the garden's doors.

"Buffy?"

"This…um this is for you." She said, handing him a bag.

Taking it carefully, he opened it, finding a small stack of blood packets. He smiled softly, setting it aside before turning back toward her. "Thank you."

She nodded as an awkward silence passed over them once again, neither knowing what to say.

"It's late. How…how did you get away?"

"Get away?"

"Your Mom…Giles." He explained.

"Oh…get away." She mused, her lips pressing into a thin line.

"Buffy?"

"Uh…easy. Started a fire in the prison laundry, rode out in the garbage truck." The blonde smirked.

"Oh."

"Joking, no garbage. Smell me."

He looked up at her. She swallowed. "Let me put this away." She mumbled, reaching for the bag once again.

Angel's eyes followed her retreating back before slumping against the couch. She was hiding something. He may have been gone for a while, he snorted, but he still knew his Buffy, and she was definitely hiding something…he just didn't know what.

* * *

><p>The next days followed much the same. She hadn't told him that she no longer lived with her mother, or much of anything, really. Their short conversations were filled with awkward silence and vague references on her part. She hated lying to him but she was terrified to tell him the truth. She could see the guilt in his deep brown eyes and she knew he would blame himself for what happened. Lucky for her, Angel spent most of his time sleeping. She was able to spend most of the day at the mansion without his knowing. She would leave before sunset and before he woke to give the appearance that she was at school or with her friends, and would come back a few hours later under the pretenses of bringing him blood. It was getting harder though, especially in the evenings. At first, her reason for her time spent there until he fell asleep was that he was too weak to be left alone, but he was getting stronger and staying awake much longer. He knew the Scooby gang didn't know about his return but he had yet to find out they weren't aware of Buffy's whereabouts either and she couldn't exactly tell him she had nowhere else to go in those evenings when he was awake and alert, so she started slaying again…sort of. She would leave a little while after "checking in" to go wander the streets of Sunnydale until she knew he would be asleep so, in a sense, she did slay vampires…if she happened to see one; she just wasn't searching them out like before.<p>

* * *

><p>"So how is Angel doing?" The tall, dark-haired woman asked.<p>

"Better. He's healing really fast."

"Hm," Cordy mused as the two made their way down the dark, empty street near Sunnyrest. "And how are you doing?"

"Me?" Buffy queried. At Cordelia's raised eyebrow, the Slayer sighed. It was becoming a regular occurrence for the former queen bee to join the small blonde during some of her nightly walks as of late and apparently, so was the interrogation. "I'm…it's hard; it's getting harder. Being around him and not being able to…" The Slayer sighed again. "It's hard."

"I bet; he's hot and now that you know what it was like being with him…"

"It's not about sex Cordy," Buffy spluttered. "I don't want to…I mean, I do but…more than anything I just want to be near him, to have him hold me and kiss me and just…"

"And that's not possible?"

The Slayer shook her head softly.

"Why not?"

"With everything that happened; Angel collects guilt like you collect shoes Cor. I can see it in his eyes, he feels responsible for everything that happened last year even though none of it was his fault. What I want doesn't matter; he needs…he needs to be able to deal without any interferences, any nuisances like a girl's silly dream."

"I highly doubt Angel sees you as a nuisance Buffy and silly dream? Why is it silly for you to want to be with the man you love?"

"Maybe, maybe not and silly was the wrong word but I'm still right on the dream one; it is a dream. I'm honestly surprised that he hasn't thrown me out on my butt yet."

"Why would he…oh you mean 'cause you killed him." At Buffy's flinch, Cordelia shook her head sadly. "I think he would understand Buffy. Have you talked about it?"

"No, we haven't, there isn't much to talk about really I mean, I never thought him at fault for last year and I forgave his demon a long time ago…"

"You forgave Angelus?! After everything he did?" The brunette questioned incredulously.

"He's a demon Cordelia, it's in his nature. Can you blame him for taking advantage of being free? I can hate him and I do but I don't blame him."

"You blame yourself." She stated.

"I...duck."

"What?"

"Duck!" The small blonde yelled before throwing a left hook to the large vampire creeping up behind her friend. She twisted to the right, avoiding his jab before slamming her elbow into his lower rib cage. The demon fell to the ground, a fierce growl ripping from his throat.

"Buffy behind you!"

The Slayer stepped to the side as her arm swung outward, clotheslining the second vampire charging toward her. His back collided with the cold grass just as her first opponent pushed himself up from the ground, his right arm swinging in a cross-jab. Buffy stumbled as her head turned with the force.

"That wasn't very nice, you know." She remarked before throwing an uppercut, her small hand crashing against the bottom of his jaw as he flew backward. She pulled the stake from her waistband and advanced forward, ducking the roundhouse kick aimed at her head before sweeping her own leg along the field, knocking her second opponent down. She threw her leg behind her in a powerful back-kick, her heel cracking the sternum of her first assailant as she turned, her stake embedding itself in his cold, dead heart before he hit the ground. Her gaze swung toward the second vampire as he snarled, throwing his right fist toward her. She ducked before reaching outward, her hands wrapping around his shoulders as she brought her knee up, thrusting her bent leg against his midsection once…twice…thrice before slamming her elbow down against his spinal column. The vampire collapsed, not even able to roll over before he felt the sharp wood pierce through his upper back. Buffy stood slowly, brushing off the small blades of grass clinging to her black pants before reaching a hand out to Cordelia.

"Well that was rude, they couldn't have waited until we were done talking?"

The Slayer smirked. "They really aren't good with the whole manners thing. It's a major fail on their part."

"Totally."

"Oh hey, I forgot to ask how the whole Pete thing turned out."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Giles is having a major fit over it. Xander claims it was lover's suicide but you know Giles."

"Yeah." Buffy murmured.

"They don't think it was you."

* * *

><p>It was a few nights later that her charade started to fall apart. Angel was healing very well physically, and he owed much, if not all, of his thanks to Buffy. He felt a small smile tug at the corners of his lips as her name flitted through his mind. He owed so much to her. She had given his poor excuse of a life meaning and reason. She gave him love…and he threw it back in her face. He grimaced. The thought had come unexpectedly, leaving him unprepared to deal. They hadn't talked about it, any of it, though he knew they should. He felt a lot of guilt for his past actions, but hurting Buffy was the worst, it nearly killed him. The things he did…he shook his head. He couldn't think about them now, Buffy had said she would try and stop by after her patrol and he didn't want to be in what she called his "brooding" face if she did. Grabbing his coat, he made his way into the night, hoping the fresh air would clear his mind.<p>

He was lost in thought as he let his feet carry him wherever they pleased yet he was unsurprised when he ended up at the corner of Revello Drive. What was surprising was the lack of Buffy's scent. His brow furrowed as he made his way closer toward her house. Many of his vampiric traits were still re-developing but there were a few scents that he would recognize no matter how long he was gone, and Buffy's was one of them. It was ingrained in his mind and burned to his soul and he couldn't detect it anywhere. He scowled. She hadn't been here for weeks, if not longer. He turned around; anger brewing underneath his confusion…Buffy had lied to him.

* * *

><p>:)<p> 


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